Like these roses, we all fade.

Random Haiku

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 21:10:27 GMT

For your reading pleasure.

We wait to be saved
fail to save eachother
too weak to save ourselves

At 2am I'm
searching AM radio
not thinking of you

Our first and only
meal out was two days before
you moved to Thailand

I will stay on hold
While your ex-girlfriend is there
to collect her things

I want to break you
You have no right to love me
I am not worth it

Showering at night
in Minnesota winters
not as cold as you

Yay for being like everyone else : )

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 08:09:07 GMT

OK, so there are several people, and by several I mean 3 that I know of, doing the whole Haiku a day thing and while I usually avoid jumping on bandwagons as much as I can, I thought I'd write some since I'm the current Dirty Haiku Champion at several different venues here in the Twin Cities. I'm not going to post them everyday 'cause I don't have internet very often but know that I am filling a notebook full of dirty and not so dirty haiku. Here are some of my favorite non-dirty ones so far:

Pressed face-down against
the floor, thinking of you
Can't get any lower

To avoid dumping
our significant others,
let's fake our own deaths

She has everything
But treats it like it's nothing
And still I'm jealous

I never told you
I knew we were lost
I was enjoying the ride

My way out

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:59:46 GMT

While visiting Detroit I often wondered if it was harder living there, constantly seeing signs for "Bridge to Canada." Wanting to leave, having a way out dangling in front of your face and not being able to take it. I think about how close I live to the airport, I drive by at least once a week. I'll stare at the runway and the departing planes and wish I could be on one of them. But even if I had the money for a ticket I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do once I got there. And then my melancholy worsens with the realization that even if I did leave I'd just end up coming home again.

This is comforting, but some days I think it'd just be easier to take the pills

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:11:45 GMT

All Things Considered, February 11, 2008 · Author Eric G. Wilson has come to realize he was born to the blues, and he has made peace with his melancholy state.

But it took some time, as he writes in his new book, a polemic titled Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy.

At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. … I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. … I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.

Wilson has embraced his inner gloom, and he wishes more people would do the same.

The English professor at Wake Forest University wants to be clear that he is not "romanticizing" clinical depression and that he believes it is a serious condition that should be treated.

But he worries that today's cornucopia of antidepressants — used to treat even what he calls "mild to moderate sadness" — might make "sweet sorrow" a thing of the past.

"And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?" he asks.

Wilson talks to Melissa Block about why the world needs melancholy — how it pushes people to think about their relation to the world in new ways and ultimately to relate to the world in a richer, deeper way.

He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression — which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.

Wilson says perhaps this is "just part of the tragic nature of existence, that sometimes there's a great price to be paid for great works or beauty, for truth."

"We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we're buoyed, we're overjoyed by the works they left behind," Wilson says.

The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is "difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations." He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be "happier," and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn't.

Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.

"To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person," he says.

Excerpt: 'Against Happiness'

Conclusion

The gene pool — before and beyond time — froths and sloshes. What flops up onto the temporal shores is a matter of chance, a product of the waves' whims. At some point this teeming reservoir of DNA spumes forth a saturnine gene, a double helix destined to produce melancholy dispositions. From this instant onward what we know as human history begins: that striving, seemingly endless, toward an ungraspable perfection, that tragic effort to reach what exceeds the grasp, to fail magnificently. This gene, this melancholy gene, has proved the code for innovation. It has produced over the centuries our resplendent towers, yearning heavenward. It has created our great epics, god-hungry. It has concocted our memorable symphonies, as tumultuously beautiful as the first ocean. Without this sorrowful genome, these sublimities would have remained in the netherworld of nonexistence. Indeed, without this genetic information, sullen and ambitious, what we see as culture in general, that empyreal realm of straining ideas, might have never arisen from the mere quest for survival, from simple killing and eating.

We can picture this in the primitive world. While the healthy bodies of the tribe were out mindlessly hacking beasts or other humans, the melancholy soul remained behind brooding in a cave or under a tree. There he imagined new structures, oval and amber, or fresh verbal rhythms, sacred summonings, or songs superior to even those of the birds. Envisioning these things, and more, this melancholy malingerer became just as useful for his culture as did the hunters and the gatherers for theirs. He pushed his world ahead. He moved it forward. He dwelled always in the insecure realm of the avant-garde.

This primitive visionary was the first of many such avant-garde melancholics. Of course not all innovators are melancholy, and not all melancholy souls are innovative. However, the scientifically proved relationship between genius and depression, between gloom and greatness suggests that the majority of our cultural innovators, ranging from the ancient dreamer in the bush to the more recent Dadaist in the city, have grounded their originality in the melancholy mood. We can of course by now understand why.

Melancholia pushes against the easy "either/or" of the status quo. It thrives in unexplored middle ground between oppositions, in the "both/and." It fosters fresh insights into relationships between oppositions, especially that great polarity life and death. It encourages new ways of conceiving and naming the mysterious connections between antinomies. It returns us to innocence, to irony, that ability, temporary, to play in potential without being constrained to the actual. Such respites from causality refresh our relationship to the world, grant us beautiful vistas, energize our hearts and our minds.

Indeed, the world is much of the time boring, controlled as it is by staid habits. It seems overly familiar, tired, repetitious. Then along comes what Keats calls the melancholy fit, and suddenly the planet again turns interesting. The veil of familiarity falls away. There before us flare bracing possibilities. We are called to forge untested links to our environments. We are summoned to be creative.

Given these virtues of melancholia, why are thousands of psychiatrists and psychologists attempting to "cure" depression as if it were a terrible disease? Obviously, those suffering severe depression, suicidal and bordering on psychosis, require serious medications. But what of those millions of people who possess mild to moderate depression? Should these potential visionaries also be asked to eradicate their melancholia with the help of a pill? Should these possible innovators relinquish what might well be their greatest muse, their demons giving birth to angels?

Right now, if the statistics are correct, about 15 percent of Americans are not happy. Soon, perhaps, with the help of psychopharmaceuticals, we shall have no more unhappy people in our country. Melancholics will become unknown.

This would be an unparalleled tragedy, equivalent in scope to the annihilation of the sperm whale or the golden eagle. With no more melancholics, we would live in a world in which everyone simply accepted the status quo, in which everyone would simply be content with the given. This would constitute a dystopia of ubiquitous placid grins, a nightmare worthy of Philip K. Dick, a police state of Pollyannas, a flatland that offers nothing new under the sun. Why are we pushing toward such a hellish condition?

The answer is simple: fear. Most hide behind the smile because they are afraid of facing the world's complexity, its vagueness, its terrible beauties. If they stay safely ensconced behind their painted grins, then they won't have to encounter the insecurities attendant upon dwelling in possibility, those anxious moments when one doesn't know this from that, when one could suddenly become almost anything at all. Even though this anxiety, usually over death, is in the end exhilarating, a call to be creative, it is in the beginning rather horrifying, a feeling of hovering in an unpredictable abyss. Most immediately flee from this situation. They try to lose themselves in the laughing masses, hoping the anxiety will never again visit them. They don inauthenticity as a mask, a disguise protecting them from the abyss.

To foster a society of total happiness is to concoct a culture of fear. Do we really want to give away our courage for mere mirth? Are we ready to relinquish our most essential hearts for a good night's sleep, a season of contentment? We must ignore the seductions of our blissed-out culture and somehow hold to our sadness. We must find a way, difficult though it is, to be who we are, sullenness and all.

Suffering the gloom, inevitable as breath, we must further accept this fact that the world hates: we are forever incomplete, but fragments of some ungraspable whole. Our unfinished natures — we are never pure actualities but always vague potentials — make life a constant struggle, a bout with the persistent unknown. But this extension into the abyss is also our salvation. To be but a fragment is always to strive for something beyond oneself, something transcendent — an unexplored possibility, an unmapped avenue. This striving is always an act of freedom, of choosing one road instead of another. Though this labor is arduous — it requires constant attention to our mysterious and shifting interiors — it is also ecstatic, an almost infinite sounding of the exquisite riddles of Being.

To be against happiness, to avert contentment, is to be close to joy, to embrace ecstasy. Incompleteness is the call to life. Fragmentation is freedom. The exhilaration of never knowing anything fully is that you can perpetually imagine sublimities beyond reason. On the margins of the known is the agile edge of existence. This is the elation of circumference. This is the rapture, burning slow, of finishing a book that can never be completed, a flawed and conflicted text, vexed as twilight.

Excerpted from Against Happiness by Eric G. Wilson. Copyright © 2008 by Eric G. Wilson. Published in January 2008 by Sarah Crichton Books, a division of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC. All rights reserved.

poetry and football

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 04:50:04 GMT

I posted a new poem on myspace and a friend of mine reposted it in her blog because she really liked it. I thought that was realy cool, I've never had anyone like my poem enough to repost it to share with their friends. It really meant a lot.

I watched the superbowl tonight. I haven't watched a superbowl in years. Dave wrote a poem about the superbowl and figured we should have some kind of superbowl party because of it. So I made some taco dip and a bunch of us gathered at Keira's for food, football and commercials. Dave blogged about it in real time which was fun to watch, it's nice to have a record of our exciting event.

I rooted for the Giants, I feel a connection with the underdog so I wanted them to win. And they did, it was quite an exciting 4th quarter. And I actually learned a bit about football. So it was a good time.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:14:19 GMT

Last night we slammed to determine who would represent Minneapolis at WOWPS. I was dead last. Which is good I guess 'cause I like dead things.... only four of us showed up to slam which was kind of sad to see. I don't remember how many women qualified to compete, but I know it was a lot more than four. I did a new poem first round that I've been working on for awhile. It didn't go over very well. So after that I just did some fun poems for the hell of it. I dedicated my Abercrombie poem to Jenn then broke out my emo poem to end the night. I had a pretty good time. I was really excited to be one of the four women up there and I knew I had no shot at winning, but it's never fun to come in last. I could definitely use a little cheering up today. Yes, even emo kids need a break from being sad and mopey once in awhile.

That is the Question...

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 01:18:44 GMT

To Quit:
-I hate my job and it stresses me out to the point of causing physical and emotional damage
-If I added everything right, my next paycheck will give me enough of a monetary cushion for the next couple months while I move and look for a new job
-The company I work for has questionable ethics, standards and goals
-I'm one of the few employees who cares about the customer more than my commission and that's a difficult environment to be in every day
-I'm working 6 days a week
-I need the time during the day to pack and set up interviews
-Driving so much in heavy snow is taking a huge toll on my car
-I'd get my life back

Or Not to Quit:
-There are only two weeks left before Xmas (which is when I assume I'd be let go), I don't want to be a quitter
-Another paycheck will mean even more of a monetary cushion and will give me the freedom to do fun things like travel or get my next tattoo
-The customers calling deserve to talk to at least one friendly and helpful person who isn't just after their money
-Being forced to drive in snow storms makes me more comfortable doing it and gives me experience in something that terrifies me

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 05:51:38 GMT

What' s wrong with me??

Claustraphobic

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:54:52 GMT

Yesterday a friend told me that I should just be happy that there's a light at the end of my tunnel because some people don't have a light, some people don't even have a tunnel. It's just that being in this tunnel fucking sucks.

Money is good, vampires are cool and footie pajamas rock : )

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 03:25:53 GMT

It's nice to have money again. I forgot how nice simple things like going to see movies with friends can be. Before this weekend I really can't even remember the last movie I'd seen in theaters, I just couldn't afford it. But this weekend I saw Michael Clayton with Mandy up in Winnipeg and today I went out to see 30 Days of Night with Tegan, Sierra and Mike. Both were decent movies, not ones I would have seen on my own but I dug the vampire movie. Vampires are pretty cool.

I also found one positive thing about my job... we sell footie pajamas. And I got me a pair today at a pretty nice discount : )

Canadian adventures

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 00:06:23 GMT

Got back from Winnipeg last night. I'm damn tired since I had to work this morning. Going on a really fun trip just makes my crappy job seem even more depressing. I was up in Winnipeg for the weekend for a David Usher concert and to meet up with my friend Mandy who's a David Usher fan from Edmonton. I had such an amazing time! I met up with Mandy at the airport and as we were leaving to go find the bus, we ran into Amy and Shannon, two fans from Toronto who had flown out for the show as well! It was really cool to meet people in person that you've known over the internet for years. We ended up sharing a cab to the hotel where we then met up with Mandy's friend, Stephanie who lives just outside of Winnipeg. Stephanie, Mandy and I hung out in the hotel until the show (Mandy and I taking an unproductive and laborious detour to try to find camera batteries). At the show we got front and center of the stage, where Shannon and Amy were already waiting of course : ) And I found Sharilyn and Mona, two more fans from Winnipeg. It was so fun to have all of his hardcore fans right in front. It was also nice to be surrounded by such a great energy. At the last show I went to I was by myself and I was the only one near where I was standing who knew all the songs or was getting super into the show. But this time we were all really into it and I think he really fed off that energy 'cause he put so much of himself into the show. The song selection was incredible, he played songs that I've never heard live and had an amazing cover of "Only You" by Yazoo. David's version was much better than the original in my opinion. I'm not sure I can really describe what seeing him perform live does to me. It is an indescribable experience, one you just have to feel for yourself I guess. If any of you have been a fan of someone whose music moves you and holds a great deal of importance in your life and have had the opportunity to see them perform live I think you'll understand. I really hope all of you get to experience this at least once in your life.

I never ended up meeting David this time. I met him last time I went up to Winnipeg for his show though. I did get to meet the rest of the band this time and hung out with them for a bit after the show. They are so much fun to hang out with! I tried to convince them to come tour the states and play in MN, but I'm not sure if they have much say in where they play.

The rest of my trip to Winnipeg was really exciting too. Mandy and I stayed in a hostel the second night in town and spent the day walking all around the city. It's a beautiful place, and the cool autumn air was icing on the cake. We stopped in this record store which I really loved, it reminded me of this used cd store by my house growing up called Backbeat Discs, ah the memories. We also found this pavilion down by the river where a choir was singing and some performers were playing guitar. There was also a violin player playing some Irish tunes. The market near the pavilion was really neat too, lots of fun little shops. Our last night in town we went to the mall near our hostel to go see Michael Clayton which was actually pretty good. It's not usually the type of movie I go see but I liked it. Staying in a hostel was a cool experience. I've never stayed in one before. Our roommates were from Denmark and the Netherlands. They were nice, didn't hang out with them much, but it was fun to meet people from around the world and hear their story. We spent our last day just hanging out at the airport. We were both so exhausted from spending the last two days walking so we wanted a break. Nothing too eventful at the airport... except the little boy that had a seizure while we were eating lunch. That was interesting to watch. He was fine. Oh, and I discovered putine. Didn't try it though, I'll save that for next time. It's basically french fries and cheese curds with gravy on top. It's apparently very good.

So that was my trip, I'm kind of sad to be home. I loved getting out and exploring new places. I really want to find someone to travel the world with and just go live in different places for a few months and then move on when the time is right. That's what I'd do if I won the lottery. Or found someone to give me a lot of money... know anyone I could talk to? Just thought I'd ask. It was also really fun talking about politics and what Canadians, in general, think of us. I find it really fascinating to get other perspectives on things.

I have pictures of my trip up at http://legacyofwaste.myphotoalbum.com if you want to see my adventures in picture form... which I know you do.

Livin' the dream life.

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 04:33:17 GMT

Tonight was a good night. Was at Dave's after driving his ass around town today. Had Jenn meet us over there after work 'cause Dave said he'd cook us dinner. The only problem was that there wasn't really anything to make in his fridge. His entire fridge and freezer included two boca burgers, a box of shrimp, orange dreamsicles, yogurt, cheese, pepperoni, a tube of biscuits, four eggs, milk, beer and some condiments. How would you make a delicious dinner for three you ask? Well, I made us what I like to call an egg bake, it's kind of like a quiche. I flattened one biscuit each in these ceramic dishes, then poured some eggs scrambled with milk over that, put in some diced boca burger and some cheese, baked it for 15 minutes and tah-dah, a delicious dinner was had. It made me happy. It made Jenn and Dave happy too : ) I really think I should get into the food service industry again, I just love making food.

Somehow during dinner the idea of us going to the casino came up and we were like, hey, let's go to the casino! So we did. We took a little road trip down to Mystic Lake and gambled the night away. I blew $20 on the nickle slots pretty quickly, Jenn and Dave lasted pretty long on just a few bucks on the slots and then they went to go play black jack while I watched 'cause I was out of money : ) I did play video poker too for a bit but didn't do very well. I think Jenn came out $5 ahead at the end of the night. Dave and I were in the hole. I've never been to the casino (in MN) at night, or with friends (I usually go during the day with my family) so that was fun. It reminded me of Vegas in that I was in a casino at night with friends : )

Tonight is how I envision having really cool roommates would be. We'd make dinner together (or I'd make it with one of them kind of helping and the other watching) and then spontaneously decide to go do something fun and random. I want to move out and have cool roommates! Just a few more months of saving up paychecks and then off to find some cool people! : )

Hope is a funny thing.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:41:46 GMT

This weekend was good. I feel good. That'll all probably end in about an hour when I head into work (I took the morning off) but for now, I'm enjoying life. Friday and Saturday was the season two opener of Women Stand Up: A Comedy Cabaret at the Bryant Lake Bowl. Allison and I were invited to come do our poetry again and the stand-up comics were super funny. I had such a great time. Doing that show just really revitalizes my poetic energy. Everyone loved my work and it's nice to just perform my poetry and not be judged or scored. I did my new "Emo" piece and my Abercrombie piece and both went over really well. Allison and I did a dirty haiku battle as well and I won both nights : ) I don't care if Cynthia won this year's battle in St. Paul, I'm totally the dirty haiku champ : )

That energy carried over to Monday for the St. Paul slam. I made it to the third round, which I've only done I think one other time in St. Paul. I don't think I've ever gotten so many compliments before! It was weird but good, still not used to it. It restored my faith in slam. Every now and then I'll get this crazy idea about giving up slam, but then something really good happens and I'll have no idea why I had those crazy thoughts in the first place. And the features were amazing! Big Poppa E and Erin Livingston from Austin were here and they both rocked my socks off! They're really cool people and it was fun hanging out with them after the slam. Big Poppa E totally stole my cat poem though. We both have very similar poems about finding a mate who is like our cats. He did his during his feature set and Mike and I just looked at eachother like, holy shit, that's my/your poem! I think his was better than mine. I read him my version after the slam and it was really funny. And weird. But cool. Yay for fun poetry things. But now it's time to get ready for work. Boo. Get ready for me to be stressed and angry and bitter and cranky for the rest of the week. But let's party this weekend, ok? Ok.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 22:21:32 GMT

Working sucks. It's not that bad though. I finished up training this week at my new job and went to work on the phones on Saturday. It's really stressful right now 'cause I don't how to handle certain things and can't remember where to find things on the computer menus. I think I'm doing pretty good, I'm meeting most of my sales quotas and almost all the customers I've had have told me they enjoyed talking to me and that I was really nice and friendly and helpful. It's just so emotionally draining though, I'm not used to so much human interaction (or having to be that cheerful all the time), even if it is just over the phone. Friday and Saturday after working at the call center I headed straight over to the MN Music Festival to work the Liffey booth and sold fish and chips. That was really fun. I got paid to listen to cool music, eat free food and drink free beer. And I worked with really fun people, they made it quite enjoyable. My feet hurt so bad though. I forgot how physically taxing food service work is. I don't think I'll be working any more 12 or 15 hour days again any time soon. That was kind of a dumb decision, but I just really need money. And I'm pretty sure all my friends hate me right now for various reasons. It sucks 'cause I feel like my life can't ever go right. I finally had friends and a social life this past year but didn't have a job and was miserable and unbelievably depressed because I didn't have any money and couldn't support myself and had to take so much from the people around me which just made me feel like shit. And now I finally got a job, but it seems like everything else is falling apart. I was excited to move in with a friend who's moving to MN soon, but because of my job I might not be able to move in with her. I missed out on a couple important events that one of my friends was involved in and I think he's upset about that. Everything is so messed up. I just don't know what's going on anymore with anything. But anyway. This turned into more of a rant than I intended, I just wanted to let anyone who was interested know what's going on with my new job.

What I'd be good at

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 18:10:01 GMT

These are the jobs I would supposedly be best at. I actually dig most of these. #1,3 & 4 are actually things that I've wanted to do for a very long time. I think it was junior high that I really really wanted to be a costume or set designer. It's really funny how nothing with writing, or journalism or anything related to my major came up. Hmmm.

1.	Director of Photography
2.	Makeup Artist
3.	Set Designer
4.	Costume Designer
5.	Paleontologist
6.	Taxidermist
7.	Special Effects Technician
8.	Veterinarian
9.	Industrial Designer
10.	Desktop Publisher
11.	Carpenter
12.	Tilesetter
13.	Sign Maker
14.	Welder
15.	Boilermaker
16.	Fashion Designer
17.	Animator
18.	Jeweler
19.	Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
20.	Craftsperson
21.	Potter
22.	Marine Biologist
23.	Glazier
24.	Pet Groomer
25.	Actor
26.	Plumber
27.	Autobody Repairer
28.	Cabinetmaker
29.	Zoologist
30.	Animal Breeder
31.	Electronics Assembler
32.	Arborist
33.	Pipefitter
34.	Director
35.	Bricklayer / Stonemason
36.	Construction Tradesperson
37.	Steamfitter
38.	Ecologist
39.	Sprinkler System Installer
40.	Drywaller

It's been 1 year, 3 months and 24 days...

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:57:01 GMT

Since I graduated from college. And I finally have a job! I start Tuesday. Feels good.

Thanks life.

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 05:04:00 GMT

I don't think I've ever felt more alone. Funny thing is, I have more friends now than I've ever had in my life. Isn't it great how life works out?

Fuzzy predator

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 06:56:27 GMT

I was out in my drive way today when I heard one of our roosters making some noise from the garden. I looked over and his tail was all fanned out (he's a phoenix chicken so he has a big fancy tail) I thought it was cute but wasn't sure why he was doing it until I noticed something slinking just outside the far edge of the garden fence. It was Tiger! Tiger is this feral cat in our neighborhood that I've befriended. He'll come around every now and then and we'll play and I'll give him a good head scratch and some cat food. He always brightens my day when I get to see him 'cause he's such a sweetheart and it always amazes me that a wild cat can be so friendly. When I saw him in the yard I called out to him and he came running over and was so happy to see me. I just love cats, they're such wonderful creatures. They're so expressive and communicative. They make me happy.

Here's an old picture of Tiger:

I wish I could taste things.

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 00:29:58 GMT

I think I enjoy cooking too much. I'm really sick right now and can't taste anything, yet I proceeded to make myself a chicken sandwich with mozzarella, tomato sauce and basil pesto mayo on toasted french bread. I made the pesto myself from basil we have in our garden. I think it tasted pretty good. Not really sure.

Infected.

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:51:57 GMT

Last night there was music playing and I was dancing a little bit. Not much. But my friend Mike asked me, "When did you become such a dancin' fool?" And I told him: "Austin." And he nodded at me knowingly. 'Cause he was there. He knows.

Yes! Thank you.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 01:27:28 GMT

Finally someone is making some sense.

Ban pit bulls? Let's try being responsible parents, first

RUBÉN ROSARIO

Article Last Updated: 08/18/2007 09:07:49 PM CDT

Perhaps we should consider banning or putting down knucklehead parents instead of "killer'' pit bulls.

I'm admittedly writing this in a heightened state of righteous anger at news that a "family'' pit bull mauled a 7-year-old boy to death Thursday in the basement of a North Minneapolis home.

The reported circumstances are not new or shocking. A dog was treated, well, like a dog - tied up in a basement, exiled there except for breeding and denied normal human bonding or interaction. It became aggressive and attacked when an opportunity arose. Go figure.

Tragedy? No doubt. Accident? No way. This dog was unwittingly but essentially programmed to inflict serious bodily harm or take a life at some point. Even some of the child's relatives related much of this after the fact.

But, of course, the knee-jerk statements of shock began as soon as the sad news broke. Local pols are again mulling new or stiffer laws to prevent another dog-related fatality - just the second in the metro area in 17 years. And the first involved a 1989 mauling of a 3-year-old girl by a "domesticated'' wolf in Forest Lake Township. The surprise in that event was that the state granted a license to the owner of the beast.

Some legislators or municipalities might even resurrect the ridiculous notion of banning the pit bull breed - the canine non grata of our generation.

I like dogs, but I don't own pets and did not grow up with one. I did have a goldfish once. But it was tough trying to pet the thing. I believe all animals belong in the wild, not cooped up inside a cage, zoo or home or confined to a front or back yard. "Born Free'' and all that.

Yet, dogged dog lovers Maureen Haggerty and Karen Delise fully embrace my take on this incident.

Haggerty's a St. Paul native, dog trainer and founder of Canine Coach, a firm with offices in Minneapolis and the Saintly City. She did not mince words as to where to lay blame for this child's death. They were, strikingly, the same descriptors I knew would not get past my editor.

"What happened is extremely tragic and frustrating,'' Haggerty said. "But you tie up a dog, even Fluffy for that matter, in a basement, tied to a chain and kept away from humans, and you will have a dangerous, aggressive dog on your hands.''

New or stiffer laws, she believes, would only hamper the already law-abiding among us.

"These people don't already comply to the laws that are already on the books,'' she said of owners who abuse their dogs.

Haggerty believes you can train or mistreat any dog - from a poodle to a pit bull - to be aggressive. The pit bull - because of its gruff physique and legendary lockjaw bite - has been popular for decades as a guard dog and canine buffer for drug pushers and crime-weary residents of mostly poor and crime-plagued areas of the Twin Cities and the nation.

She says she invariably encounters the same phenomenon while walking or training pit bulls that belong to licensed owners in North Minneapolis.

"Almost without fail, a young man will come by, look at the dog and ask me if they can breed it,'' she said. "They want to do that to make the dog mean or aggressive."

Karen Delise is a Slanesville, W.Va.-based veterinarian and the author of "The Pit Bull Placebo: The Media Myths and Politics of Canine Aggression.'' The book, which came out in June, includes a review of credible data dating to the 1940s.

If there's a common thread in the book on such dog-related fatalities, it is this:

"The majority of the child victims lived in a high-risk environment and were provided a low level of safety,'' said Delise, who is also founder of the National Canine Research Council.

According to Delise's research of government data and media reports, Thursday's attack is the first documented, fatal dog attack attributed to a pit bull in Minnesota.

In fact, according to Delise's research, Minnesota has seen four fatal dog attacks in 47 years. Three were attributed to other breeds.

Delise does not count the Forest Lake incident because it involved a wolf.

The next most recent incident occurred in 1984 and involved another 7-year-old boy, who was mauled by two roaming dogs in Minneapolis.

To put things into perspective, many more children of similar ages have died in firearm-related incidents or at the hands of their own parents than have been killed by dogs.

So, who or what should we really go after here?

"If you bring anything into the home, a swimming pool for that matter, you have the responsibility as a parent to take extra precautions, especially with children around,'' Delise said. "If you did not take the time to train a dog you brought into your family to be social, you already failed the dog, as well as your child.''

I feel sorry for the father in Thursday's death. But I feel far sorrier for the boy, a needless casualty of parental ignorance and neglect. There is no greater punishment for a parent than losing a child and knowing you played a role in the death. But there should be societal consequences, at least to send a message to the rest of us.

Rubén Rosario can be reached at rrosario@pioneerpress.com or 651 228-5454.

Austin and the rain.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 06:17:17 GMT

Just got my internet back today. It went out in those storms last week and they just came out today to fix it. Texas was pretty fun. I was quite overwhelmed at first and felt alone in a sea of people that all seemed to know eachother. But by the third day I started to enjoy myself. Went swimming in this natural spring with some of the Oneonta poets and had a blast. I love swimming, it makes me really happy. After the first day in Austin I was so stressed out and in a bad mood so I woke up early and went swimming in the hotel pool all by myself and it was wonderful. Everything just melted away. But at this natural spring I jumped off this cliff which was amazing! It was only like 15 or 20 feet, but I've never jumped off anything that high up. It was crazy. Swimming up-stream was really fun too. If I believed in reincarnation I would probably have been a frog in a past life. Or some other aquatic animal.

The poetry was pretty good, I've been writing a lot since I got back. Nothing finished though, just lots of fragments. It's pretty good stuff though. Nothing else too major to report from Austin, lots of little stories that don't need to be told right now. Oh, the final night party was really fun, I danced like I've never danced before. Which isn't saying much 'cause I've never really danced before, seriously I just don't dance... ever. So it was really fun to just let go and get sweaty and dance. I probably looked ridiculous but who the hell cares, right?

I'm uploading pictures of my trip as we speak to http://legacyofwaste.myphotoalbum.com so they'll be up shortly.

The day after we got back was probably one of the best nights I've had in a long time so I'm going to tell you all about it. Tegan, Mike and I went to Riley's where we were met by Wonder Dave and Rhe and Riley's roommates. When it started raining we all ran outside and just ran around in our clothes... Dave in his underwear and then naked. It was so fun and reminded me of when I was a kid and used to go play out in the rain. I want more nights like that. I'm definitely learning how to let go and have fun in life. It's a slow hard process but I've made noticeable progress. One day I'll be free from myself.

Damn.

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 20:07:29 GMT

Who knew it'd be so hard to sew a pair of shorts? Well, I should have figured. I've avoided sewing pants until now because I knew it'd be hard, but the shorts I was making were stretchy and like sweat pants so I thought I could bypass all of the complicated work that goes into making pants. I was wrong. I also avoid making things with sleeves 'cause I'm just no good and sewing on sleeves. Oh well. I'm still really proud that I figured out how to make them reversible, I'll just have to figure out how to make them fit when I get back. No new shorts for TX. I guess self-teaching yourself a craft has its limitations.

Texas here I come!

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 07:11:57 GMT

I can't believe I leave for Austin in about 28 hours. Well, I'll be at the airport in 26 hours. I'm trying to get together my packing list. I still have so much to do! I need to sew a pair of shorts 'cause it's going to be hot. And I figured out how to make a pair of reversible shorts so they're striped fabric on one side and just black on the other. Talk about versatility. But now I have to get them done. And I have to finish sewing my outfit for the erotic slam tomorrow... or I guess later today if you want to get technical. This is what I get for having no money and not being able to afford to buy new clothes, I have to sew them all. Arg. I did buy a new swim suit today. And that's only 'cause I lost my good suit and the other one I have is falling apart. It's my first bikini, boys look out! Grrrr. Or something like that. I have to write up some dirty haikus too for the slam. Blah. I can't wait until I get to Austin, then I have nothing to worry or stress out about, I just get to have fun and hang out with awesome poets and cram into one hotel room with 5 other people. Rock on.

The bridge

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 06:39:32 GMT

Everyone seems to be talking about the 35W bridge collapse and I felt compelled to add my two cents into the mix. It's pretty surreal right now. I've been watching the national coverage of it and it's really weird to be watching CNN and see your city and your local newscasters on a national channel. I think about all the times I've watched other big news stories like this happening in other cities and how removed it feels to watch tragedies happening to other people in other places. Now it's here. It was such a random ocurrence too. I was in Target with Tegan when her mom called and was yelling frantically to make sure Tegan was ok. It didn't fully hit me at first what had actually happened so we turned on the news station when we got in my car and I got goosebumps listening to the newscasters describe what had happened. My dad called me too, mainly to see if I had seen what had happened, he knew I wasn't going to be in that area. But shortly after that cell phone service was too busy to make calls. It really surprises me how big of a story this has become. It's top news story on the BBC webpage, the CBC news page, and I saw it on some Australian website too. Out of curiosity I checked some Chinese news sites just now and it's on there, but it's not that big of a story. The few sites I found show a picture of the collapse, but you have to search to find the news story. Interesting.

Oh, something I've been wondering all night was if the collapse was caught on traffic cams. They have traffic cameras set up to monitor traffic flow and they had to have been rolling when it happened. I wonder if they record the video stream. The cameras near the bridge say "No Video" right now, most likely because they were damaged. I'm assuming if the collapse was caught on camera, they would have shown it by now.

So yeah. That's what's on my mind about it.