We wait to be saved
fail to save eachother
too weak to save ourselves
At 2am I'm
searching AM radio
not thinking of you
Our first and only
meal out was two days before
you moved to Thailand
I will stay on hold
While your ex-girlfriend is there
to collect her things
I want to break you
You have no right to love me
I am not worth it
Showering at night
in Minnesota winters
not as cold as you
Pressed face-down against
the floor, thinking of you
Can't get any lower
To avoid dumping
our significant others,
let's fake our own deaths
She has everything
But treats it like it's nothing
And still I'm jealous
I never told you
I knew we were lost
I was enjoying the ride
- Mood:
tired - Music:Wake Up and Say Goodbye - David Usher
All Things Considered,
But it took some time, as he writes in his new book, a polemic titled Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy.
At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. … I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. … I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.
The English professor at
But he worries that today's cornucopia of antidepressants — used to treat even what he calls "mild to moderate sadness" — might make "sweet sorrow" a thing of the past.
"And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?" he asks.
He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression — which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.
"We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we're buoyed, we're overjoyed by the works they left behind,"
The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is "difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations." He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be "happier," and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn't.
"To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person," he says.
- Mood:
melancholy
I watched the superbowl tonight. I haven't watched a superbowl in years. Dave wrote a poem about the superbowl and figured we should have some kind of superbowl party because of it. So I made some taco dip and a bunch of us gathered at Keira's for food, football and commercials. Dave blogged about it in real time which was fun to watch, it's nice to have a record of our exciting event.
I rooted for the Giants, I feel a connection with the underdog so I wanted them to win. And they did, it was quite an exciting 4th quarter. And I actually learned a bit about football. So it was a good time.
- Mood:
disappointed
-I hate my job and it stresses me out to the point of causing physical and emotional damage
-If I added everything right, my next paycheck will give me enough of a monetary cushion for the next couple months while I move and look for a new job
-The company I work for has questionable ethics, standards and goals
-I'm one of the few employees who cares about the customer more than my commission and that's a difficult environment to be in every day
-I'm working 6 days a week
-I need the time during the day to pack and set up interviews
-Driving so much in heavy snow is taking a huge toll on my car
-I'd get my life back
Or Not to Quit:
-There are only two weeks left before Xmas (which is when I assume I'd be let go), I don't want to be a quitter
-Another paycheck will mean even more of a monetary cushion and will give me the freedom to do fun things like travel or get my next tattoo
-The customers calling deserve to talk to at least one friendly and helpful person who isn't just after their money
-Being forced to drive in snow storms makes me more comfortable doing it and gives me experience in something that terrifies me
- Mood:
exhausted
- Mood:
confused
I also found one positive thing about my job... we sell footie pajamas. And I got me a pair today at a pretty nice discount : )
- Mood:
Have to work on Saturday
I have pictures of my trip up at http://legacyofwaste.myphotoalbum.com if you want to see my adventures in picture form... which I know you do.
- Mood:
longing
Somehow during dinner the idea of us going to the casino came up and we were like, hey, let's go to the casino! So we did. We took a little road trip down to Mystic Lake and gambled the night away. I blew $20 on the nickle slots pretty quickly, Jenn and Dave lasted pretty long on just a few bucks on the slots and then they went to go play black jack while I watched 'cause I was out of money : ) I did play video poker too for a bit but didn't do very well. I think Jenn came out $5 ahead at the end of the night. Dave and I were in the hole. I've never been to the casino (in MN) at night, or with friends (I usually go during the day with my family) so that was fun. It reminded me of Vegas in that I was in a casino at night with friends : )
Tonight is how I envision having really cool roommates would be. We'd make dinner together (or I'd make it with one of them kind of helping and the other watching) and then spontaneously decide to go do something fun and random. I want to move out and have cool roommates! Just a few more months of saving up paychecks and then off to find some cool people! : )
- Mood:
happy
That energy carried over to Monday for the St. Paul slam. I made it to the third round, which I've only done I think one other time in St. Paul. I don't think I've ever gotten so many compliments before! It was weird but good, still not used to it. It restored my faith in slam. Every now and then I'll get this crazy idea about giving up slam, but then something really good happens and I'll have no idea why I had those crazy thoughts in the first place. And the features were amazing! Big Poppa E and Erin Livingston from Austin were here and they both rocked my socks off! They're really cool people and it was fun hanging out with them after the slam. Big Poppa E totally stole my cat poem though. We both have very similar poems about finding a mate who is like our cats. He did his during his feature set and Mike and I just looked at eachother like, holy shit, that's my/your poem! I think his was better than mine. I read him my version after the slam and it was really funny. And weird. But cool. Yay for fun poetry things. But now it's time to get ready for work. Boo. Get ready for me to be stressed and angry and bitter and cranky for the rest of the week. But let's party this weekend, ok? Ok.
- Mood:
anti-work
- Mood:
drained - Music:KROX.com
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- Mood:
Hmmm
Since I graduated from college. And I finally have a job! I start Tuesday. Feels good.
- Mood:
relieved
- Mood:
depressed
Here's an old picture of Tiger:
- Mood:
Prrrrrrr
- Mood:
sick
- Mood:
ready for bed
